If I have to hear one more asshole at work jokingly say "You don't feel well? It's probably the Swine Flu" and then actually chuckle afterwards like they just made a funny I am going give them a giant wedgie and spit down their ass crack.
I work with a bunch of goobers. They're not funny. They're all a bunch of nerds. Stick to what you know. Testing for semen, cutting people open, and runnign blood through computer databases. Thanks.
I've gotten flowers every day this week. From who, you ask? That's an excellent question and if I knew I would gladly tell you. However they're all delivered without a card. And they've all died a sad and tragic death. Death by garbage disposal. Run over by my car. Eaten by my dog.
I don't know who the creepy fucker is that thinks he's wooing me with flowers, but whoever he is obviously doesn't know me. If he really wanted to get into my heart (aka my pants) he would buy me booze, dark chocolate, give me money, and give me a back rub without complaining.
So EX and I have been communicating only through texts and only in regards to the pup. He sends me a text that simply says "leaving". I go over to the house, spend time with the dog and text him an hour or so later saying "leaving dickface".
No closure. I need a full blown argument. His avoidance is only further enraging me. I've had to fight the urge to tell him I'm leaving and just wait for him to come home so I can throw boiling water on his face or something.
I'm going to a beer garden tonight. Don't know what that is but I'm hoping it's some kind of Willy Wonka situation, but with beer.
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3 comments:
Maybe the beer will taste like Snozzberries... Willy Wonka brews the hops and barleys and stirs the drinks with his penis...magical place...
I wouldn't have imagined you as the type requiring closure. Regardless I hate to see you tormented over an ex (dickface). It's a shame you have to avoid each other the way you do. I guess it's like me and my kids, except you have a dog together (inserting joke in my inner voice).
Sorry about the goobers... I would probably count as one of them except I am truly worried about people getting the swine flu. I know too many people that have had it already.
Good luck with passing out the wedgies.
Would that be considered sexual harrassment?
Men don't need a full blown argument, especially when it involves women. Men need time to think alone and calm down. Men get over it. Then women jump on men and start kicking things and cutting things off and men realize that this is why they didn't want the full blow argument to begin with.
I like this beer garden idea. I don't know what it is, but I want one.
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