Study up for the oral exam

I have discovered a new sexual joy: a boy who is VERY eager to please. My past sexual experiences have been with men who have been around a time or two and who know what they're doing. Of course there have been the few missteps where you think a guy is going to be fanfuckingtastic in bed and he ends up doing something weird like humping your leg or making animal noises while his little 5 incher struggles to make any kind of difference in your mood. But for the most part the men I've slept with have known what they're doing it, have done it and done it well and then all was right and good in the world. And though I know my own sexuality can be pretty intimidating to lesser men, they've all done a pretty good job of putting on their cocky (pun not intended but still pretty damn funny) face and pretending they're sex gods.

From the jump I told Youngster I wasn't interested in a project. I wasn't going to impart my sex wisdom on him and wasn't going to mold him into the sexual beast I was hoping he could be. I just don't have that kind of energy. So right away the boy was scared shitless that one wrong penis motion and I'd boot his ass out the door. So when he came over a week ago he brought his "A" game and a STRONG desire to make me scream as loud as humanly possible.

I think every normal woman enjoys oral and could probably be pretty damn happy if a guy just shut the fuck up and stuck his head between her legs for hours. But, we're realistic and realize that men are perpetually ADD stricken and usually don't give unless they're getting something in return. So we have come to know that no clit licking session is going to last for more than 10-20 minutes.

Oh...but if you snag yourself a young pup who wants to make a good first impression you get over an hour of some serious carpet licking and finger play. I felt like writing his mother a letter or something....

"Dear Mrs. ______,
I'm writing to simply say thank you. I don't know what you did, but your son has grown up to be a fine young man. His aggressive "go getter" attitude is going to take him far in life. In fact, it took him right down to my vagina where he spent over an hour making me see spots and scream for God. Well done mam!"


After my oral pleasure fest he got up, got me something to drink, kissed my forehead and left. My job was done. All I had to do was lay there and bask in the glory of that monumental event...and then fall asleep. Score!

Don't worry, we eventually had sex the next day and that was pretty fucking good too. In fact, I was eager to reward him for his good deeds. Maybe that was his plan all along. Smart cookie.

Well, finals are over, I'm on break and I get to cram Christmas shopping into 3 fun fulled days. I head home Saturday night. I feel like I was just there. Oh wait! I was. I suggest we spread Christmas and Thanksgiving a little further out. This is too much family time for one person to have to endure.

Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

I've never dated a guy significantly younger than me for several reasons. One, I like to be the most emotionally unavailable, insensitive, immature person in the relationship. It's my role, I like to play it at all times. Two, Most guys my age or younger annoy me to the point of anger. I'm so mad at most of them for being so damn stupid and unlikeable. Three, I've found that many younger guys don't have a good amount of sexual experience. They still think all you have to do is stick a dick in a hole and all is well in the land of orgasm. They're lazy and refuse to put in the good work it takes to get the average woman off. Beyond that I have just never been in the mood for a project. I don't have the patience or energy it takes to teach a young pup the ways of the world...and the clit.

On that note I met, made out with and had a little over the pants action with a 19 year old. This kid is probably the complete opposite of everything I have ever found attractive and desirable in a man. He JUST turned 19 about 2 months ago and he's still plugging away at his freshman courses while I'm tits deep in med school.

He's incredibly pretty. Like scorch-the-sun, make-girl's-jealous-because-his-eyelashes-are-that-fucking-long pretty. It's ridiculous. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and I'm normally more of a tall, dark, handsome, brooding and fucked up kinda gal. He's Abercrombie model buff and while I appreciate nice abs and wouldn't mind licking them a little bit I have never been super, super turned on by the uber toned body. He's just so suburban white boy. The Norman Rockwell upbringing that irritates me.

I'm pretty sure it's all purely sexual. I don't even really know anything about his personality or his likes/dislikes. He could worship Satan and eat first born sons for breakfast every full moon for all I know.

We'll see what happens. We're going out again Friday. Well, 'm going out with my girlfriends, he's going to some metrosexual club downtown and then we're meeting at some point to make out in my car before I have to drive him back to his dorm room

Shitfuckcockasspluggingsackofhorseshit

This week has been equal parts shit and barf. It's been a craptacular week and it seemed like there was no end in sight. To properly describe my week I would have to say it was like wading in a pool of Satan's post spicy burrito diarrhea, then all of a sudden getting a wicked leg cramp and going under....without taking a proper breath first.

Work blew. I can't say much more than that because no words in the English dictionary properly describe how much it fucking sucked. I have come to the conclusion that I hate every single fucktard I work with and I am the only non-idiot there. For a bunch of smart people they sure are stupid.

Class this week wasn't much better. Again, I was (and always am) surrounded by morons. But apparently you can be a complete and total retard and as long as you kiss major ass you'll be a fucking wonderkid. To add to the fuckfest a new girl just tranfered into the program from a school in California (yes for all of you stalkers keeping track on your "Where does Steph live" maps at home that means I don't like in California. 1 State down, 48 more to weed through). If California was personified and was up walking around, taking class notes and sucking dick it would be this chick. The very look of her annoys the ever loving shit out of me. And she has ever bookworm douche bag boy in this program walking around with a permaboner. She acts ditzy too, which I can't stand. She's one of those girls that plays the role of the helpless little girl because she thinks that's what men like. I wan't to smack her with someone's penis and say "Bitch, you're in the medical program of a pretty fucking fantastic school. Obviously you're not a moron so stop acting like it and stop setting back the feminist movement. Thanks. Bye". *Thwap* (That was the sound of the dick smacking her cheek. )

So all I wanted to do last night was go out with my girlfriends, have stupid men who think buying a chick drinks is a surefire way into her pants order me up some tasty beverages and relax. But no, that wouldn't be a proper ending to the week that wouldn't end. Nope, Walsh decided to make a surprise appearance at MY bar with his brother and a few friends. Of course he tried playing it coy for about an hour. Notice I said TRIED. Yeah, he wasn't so covert while he was practically staring a hole into the back of my head. He even pulled the junior high classic move, staring at a chick and when she turns around and actually SEES you looking at her you quickly turn away and pretend like you weren't. It's a classic.

So I've established he's a stalker.

Tonight Kiki, Claire and I have decided to invite ourselves to our friend Seth's bachelor party. We've talked about it for weeks and I'm pretty sure he thinks we're joking. We're not. We're going.