STEPH DOES BLOGGER

It's been awhile. And for everyone that went into freak out mode thinking I had pulled another disappearing act, fear not.

The truth is I didn't have much to blog about. I so wanted to come home from a trip to the homestead with tales of bitchy aunts, parental couch sex and dinners ruined by bad family blood and too much alcohol. Alas, things were out of the norm....normal. Well, at least what most people would consider normal. For my family the fact that we barely argued and no one died or was threatened with death is surely a sign of the apacolypse. Dare I say my trip home was pretty boring.

I did, however, have the grave misfortune of running into a girl I used to go to school with.

Every fucking year without fail around holiday time I run into some idiot I DO NOT want to see, speak to, smell or remember even exsists. It's like every drone on society (and my sanity) comes out of the woodwork and somehow ends up whereever I am. One Christmas my family and I went on a trip to Mexico to do something different for the holidays. Thousands of miles away from any state I could possibly know another human being sounds like an adequate buffer zone, but not so much. Day 3 into our family trip and a guy I dated my freshman year of highschool approached me at a restaurant and revealed he was there to see his best friend tie the knot. What are the fucking odds? Of course I was with my mother who refuses to allow me to properly blow people off. I was forced to spend the better part of dinner chit chatting with some asshole I barely remembered. And just as I suspected his life was useless and boring.

This holiday was no different. The day before I left to visit my parents and I was running around like a hooker trying to fill her fuck quota. Frantically trying to finish up my Christmas shopping, the last thing I wanted to do was deal with another human being. And then out of nowhere popped Nina. Nina was a foreign exchange student who spent 3 semesters in this glorious country of ours my junior/senior years of highschool. She was from Finland and played up the ditzy blonde thing a little too much. The poor, sheepish highschool boys ate it up of course. She came to the States a virgin and left the biggest whore in our school. And I went to a school filled with whores.

So she came up to me while I was tits deep in packages and frustration. Apparently she moved back to the country a year or so ago and is now working in advertising and trying to become a model. This is where I pretended to be shocked. She got about 2 minutes of false friendliness before I went into "fuck it" mode and said something to the effect of "I really don't care what you're doing with your life, where you work, who you're fucking or what your future plans are. Honestly, I don't even care if you're alive." She started to cry, cussed at me in her native tongue and stormed off. I'm sure she'll find comfort on the end of some random strangers dick.