Revenge is a dish best served...with cock

I accomplished alot this weekend. I managed to break my sex drought AND get back at EX all in one weekend! I really am an over achiever.

Friday night some of the girls and I decided to class it up a bit and venture outside of our usual dive bar routine. We headed to some new yuppie bar in the snobby part of town in search of new penis possibilities and a change of scenery. I love my seedy bars, but I was tired of being hit on by 50 year old bikers that look like a member of ZZtop and starring at a homeless guy with one arm who likes to have conspiracy theory conversations with the beer he paid for with beggin' money.

I even wore a skirt. My wardrobe consists of shorts, sweats and jeans. Lots and lots of jeans. This skirt business is a big deal. I even worked heels. I'll allow you a moment to truly let that sink in..........

We're drinking $12 martinis and discussing what fake names we plan on giving out tonight when I see a familiar face; EX's friend Miles.

Miles reminds me of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. Incredibly good looking, built, totally self obsessed, snobby, tries way too hard, and I could absolutely see him chasing hookers down the hallway with a chainsaw. He's a weird dude and on more than on occasion has driven me absolutely nutty with his "I'm a stock broker. I make lots of money. My cock is 10 inches long" bullshit.

But, there were also moments of decency. I remember a poker game where he was actually funny and mildly charming. He even bought the booze and didn't rub it in everyone's faces like he usually do. He's the cheapest rich guy I've ever met.

At first I was going to ignore him. I wasn't in the mood for small talk that was going to make me want to shove a swizzle stick in my eye. But once he came over and started being someone entertaining I changed my mind.

He bought me drinks, made me laugh and his presence kept away the other suit clad douche bags.

Eventually my friends got bored and he said if I wanted to stay he'd give me a ride home.

We went back to my place and at first I had no intention of doing anything sexual with him. I may have been drunk and he may have been hot, but I didn't want to be THAT girl. But, as he poured me some wine and started telling me how sorry he was that EX had fucked me over my mind began to change. Apparently everyone knew about Porno Barbie and EX. Everyone but me.

"I never thought he'd cheat on you. We all loved you. We all thought you were really cool and he's not the cheating type."

I don't know how it got started. Given my state of hyper hornyness I most likely threw my panties on the floor and started humping his leg. That wouldn't surprise me. But either way I decided I didn't care about crossing the line and doing a bitchy thing. Why should I worry about someone's feelings when they obviously didn't worry about mine? I have no obligation to this man now.

So I got mine, 3 times that night and again before he left in the morning. He may not have had a 10 incher, but however big it was worked out just fine. And while he did try too hard to sound sexy while we were fucking, it was good. Really good.

What was better? I called EX in the middle and made sure his voicemail picked up every moan and grunt of our 2nd time around.

I finally got an email response Saturday night:

You're a cold bitch. I hope you're happy.


You're right, and I am :)