STEPH DOES BLOGGER

Karma is a mean, nasty cunt and I hope she dies a slow, STD induced death. While it felt amazing to get back at EX and hit him where it hurts, his friend's penis, I am now finding myself in a bad position.

I always knew my vagina was magical. It's like the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland. It takes you to amazing places you thought you could only reach with the help of hallucinogenic drugs. 15 minutes in there and you're seeing giant mushrooms, singing flowers and having a tea party. I suppose I underestimated the power and goodness of my own hooha.

EX's friend will NOT stop calling me. He calls me at least 3 times a day. He's emailed me. He even sent flowers to my work. They met a quick demise when I introduced them to a little hydrochloric acid. He stopped by my house on Wednesday. I pretended like I wasn't home. He's a borderline stalker at this point. He got a taste of that pussy juice and doesn't know what to do with himself. Steph cooch is the best cooch.

I'm not interested in a boyfriend, at least not this guy as a boyfriend. It was simply a way to get off and piss someone off. Had I known it was going to go this way I would have held out for another few weeks. As much as I love me some penis it's so not worth this Glenn Close bullshit.

On another note; funniest thing to happen to me in awhile; I was asked to babysit. A human baby. One that is still living.

Who would ask such a thing of a person like me? What kind of borderline retard would think entrusting me with the safety of their child sounds like a smart move? Well, she's not retarded. Just hopelessly sweet and trusting of everyone, obviously to a fault. She's a coworker who works in the insurance office and is always trying to convince me I'm a good person and when she hears the tales of my debauchery she always says "Oh, Stephanie, you're too good for that." It's like she's on a mission to prove me wrong about myself. She always tells me that I have a kind soul and refuses to believe I hate people as much as I do. Plus, she brings me dark chocolate and tells me I'm pretty so automatically I'm a fan.

Her kid is 4 and she and her husband haven't had a single night alone together since she had the thing. They had a babysitter all lined up and she suddenly cancelled on them this morning. So she thought I'd be a good choice.

Let me tell you a few things about me. I hate kids. I think they're all brats. I don't care if I used to be one, I was a brat too. They whine. They're messy. They smell weird. They're missing teeth. They throw fits. Their voices are high pitched an annoying. I don't have any kind of motherly instinct in my entire body. Not even when I was a kid. I tried my hand at babysitting and hated them just the same when I was 13 as I do now. I'm not meant to be around children, let alone birth them. But for some disturbing reason kids love me. They flock to me like flies on shit. And that just further proves my point that they're stupid. Why would a kid want to be around someone that couldn't care less about them? Dumb kids. I explained all of this to my fro-worker who laughed it off a chalked it up to what she likes to call "tough Stephanie complex". I might get roped in to watching a kid out of pity. That's right. I'm capable of pity now