It's Hump Day! This used to be a joyous event on my old blog. We'd talk about gratuitous sex, I'd make fun of people's weird fetishes, and someone lonely perv most likely stroked his trouser snake to everyone's funny sex stories. It was my favorite day of the blogging week. Sadly my new blog doesn't have the following it used to and until things pick up and others discover my delicate genius I will keep Wednesdays as just another shit sucking day plopped in the middle of the shit sucking week.
I will, however, tell you that I have not had sex in 7 weeks. Let me say that again so it really sinks in. I. HAVE. NOT. HAD. SEX. IN. SEVEN. WEEKS. This is officially the 2nd longest I have gone without getting my hole filled by something actually attached to a male.
I don't enjoy this. I'm ready to start humping inanimate objects. When I see a chair and think to myself "Wow, he's kind of cute. Wonder if he works out?" I know there is a problem that needs to be addressed. However, I'm not willing to let just any fuckface with a penis penetrate these pussy walls. I'm getting a little more selective in my old age. 4 shots and a decent looking guy don't do it for me anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not interested in finding a serious relationship. I'm not saving myself for the next Mr. Steph. I'm just not willing to throw pussy around like it's confetti and see what it sticks to. No matter how hard up I am I am not willing to give my shit away to those who clearly don't deserve it.
Apparently asking for a good looking, single, stench-free, somewhat sober, halfway intelligent (or at least has the ability to fake intelligence), kinda funny dude is a tall order.
My vagina isn't happy and when she's not happy ain't noone happy.
Going out tonight, which I don't normally do so maybe I'll get lucky in more ways than one. Wish my coochie luck. She needs it.
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3 comments:
I love the cooch/confetti analogy... that's how Rip Taylor got started with his confetti schtick...
When a guy throws his junk out there to see what sticks, he's probably in a private booth in a porno theater... these are just the facts of life...
Unless you live in my city where guys throw their shit out there on street corners, bus stops, the Hotwheels display at a walmart...
We all wish your coochie luck, partly because we like her, er, you, and partly because when you get lucky we get to read funny stories about wild sex.
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