I have discovered a new sexual joy: a boy who is VERY eager to please. My past sexual experiences have been with men who have been around a time or two and who know what they're doing. Of course there have been the few missteps where you think a guy is going to be fanfuckingtastic in bed and he ends up doing something weird like humping your leg or making animal noises while his little 5 incher struggles to make any kind of difference in your mood. But for the most part the men I've slept with have known what they're doing it, have done it and done it well and then all was right and good in the world. And though I know my own sexuality can be pretty intimidating to lesser men, they've all done a pretty good job of putting on their cocky (pun not intended but still pretty damn funny) face and pretending they're sex gods.
From the jump I told Youngster I wasn't interested in a project. I wasn't going to impart my sex wisdom on him and wasn't going to mold him into the sexual beast I was hoping he could be. I just don't have that kind of energy. So right away the boy was scared shitless that one wrong penis motion and I'd boot his ass out the door. So when he came over a week ago he brought his "A" game and a STRONG desire to make me scream as loud as humanly possible.
I think every normal woman enjoys oral and could probably be pretty damn happy if a guy just shut the fuck up and stuck his head between her legs for hours. But, we're realistic and realize that men are perpetually ADD stricken and usually don't give unless they're getting something in return. So we have come to know that no clit licking session is going to last for more than 10-20 minutes.
Oh...but if you snag yourself a young pup who wants to make a good first impression you get over an hour of some serious carpet licking and finger play. I felt like writing his mother a letter or something....
"Dear Mrs. ______,
I'm writing to simply say thank you. I don't know what you did, but your son has grown up to be a fine young man. His aggressive "go getter" attitude is going to take him far in life. In fact, it took him right down to my vagina where he spent over an hour making me see spots and scream for God. Well done mam!"
After my oral pleasure fest he got up, got me something to drink, kissed my forehead and left. My job was done. All I had to do was lay there and bask in the glory of that monumental event...and then fall asleep. Score!
Don't worry, we eventually had sex the next day and that was pretty fucking good too. In fact, I was eager to reward him for his good deeds. Maybe that was his plan all along. Smart cookie.
Well, finals are over, I'm on break and I get to cram Christmas shopping into 3 fun fulled days. I head home Saturday night. I feel like I was just there. Oh wait! I was. I suggest we spread Christmas and Thanksgiving a little further out. This is too much family time for one person to have to endure.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
I've never dated a guy significantly younger than me for several reasons. One, I like to be the most emotionally unavailable, insensitive, immature person in the relationship. It's my role, I like to play it at all times. Two, Most guys my age or younger annoy me to the point of anger. I'm so mad at most of them for being so damn stupid and unlikeable. Three, I've found that many younger guys don't have a good amount of sexual experience. They still think all you have to do is stick a dick in a hole and all is well in the land of orgasm. They're lazy and refuse to put in the good work it takes to get the average woman off. Beyond that I have just never been in the mood for a project. I don't have the patience or energy it takes to teach a young pup the ways of the world...and the clit.
On that note I met, made out with and had a little over the pants action with a 19 year old. This kid is probably the complete opposite of everything I have ever found attractive and desirable in a man. He JUST turned 19 about 2 months ago and he's still plugging away at his freshman courses while I'm tits deep in med school.
He's incredibly pretty. Like scorch-the-sun, make-girl's-jealous-because-his-eyelashes-are-that-fucking-long pretty. It's ridiculous. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and I'm normally more of a tall, dark, handsome, brooding and fucked up kinda gal. He's Abercrombie model buff and while I appreciate nice abs and wouldn't mind licking them a little bit I have never been super, super turned on by the uber toned body. He's just so suburban white boy. The Norman Rockwell upbringing that irritates me.
I'm pretty sure it's all purely sexual. I don't even really know anything about his personality or his likes/dislikes. He could worship Satan and eat first born sons for breakfast every full moon for all I know.
We'll see what happens. We're going out again Friday. Well, 'm going out with my girlfriends, he's going to some metrosexual club downtown and then we're meeting at some point to make out in my car before I have to drive him back to his dorm room
On that note I met, made out with and had a little over the pants action with a 19 year old. This kid is probably the complete opposite of everything I have ever found attractive and desirable in a man. He JUST turned 19 about 2 months ago and he's still plugging away at his freshman courses while I'm tits deep in med school.
He's incredibly pretty. Like scorch-the-sun, make-girl's-jealous-because-his-eyelashes-are-that-fucking-long pretty. It's ridiculous. He has blonde hair and blue eyes and I'm normally more of a tall, dark, handsome, brooding and fucked up kinda gal. He's Abercrombie model buff and while I appreciate nice abs and wouldn't mind licking them a little bit I have never been super, super turned on by the uber toned body. He's just so suburban white boy. The Norman Rockwell upbringing that irritates me.
I'm pretty sure it's all purely sexual. I don't even really know anything about his personality or his likes/dislikes. He could worship Satan and eat first born sons for breakfast every full moon for all I know.
We'll see what happens. We're going out again Friday. Well, 'm going out with my girlfriends, he's going to some metrosexual club downtown and then we're meeting at some point to make out in my car before I have to drive him back to his dorm room
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Shitfuckcockasspluggingsackofhorseshit
This week has been equal parts shit and barf. It's been a craptacular week and it seemed like there was no end in sight. To properly describe my week I would have to say it was like wading in a pool of Satan's post spicy burrito diarrhea, then all of a sudden getting a wicked leg cramp and going under....without taking a proper breath first.
Work blew. I can't say much more than that because no words in the English dictionary properly describe how much it fucking sucked. I have come to the conclusion that I hate every single fucktard I work with and I am the only non-idiot there. For a bunch of smart people they sure are stupid.
Class this week wasn't much better. Again, I was (and always am) surrounded by morons. But apparently you can be a complete and total retard and as long as you kiss major ass you'll be a fucking wonderkid. To add to the fuckfest a new girl just tranfered into the program from a school in California (yes for all of you stalkers keeping track on your "Where does Steph live" maps at home that means I don't like in California. 1 State down, 48 more to weed through). If California was personified and was up walking around, taking class notes and sucking dick it would be this chick. The very look of her annoys the ever loving shit out of me. And she has ever bookworm douche bag boy in this program walking around with a permaboner. She acts ditzy too, which I can't stand. She's one of those girls that plays the role of the helpless little girl because she thinks that's what men like. I wan't to smack her with someone's penis and say "Bitch, you're in the medical program of a pretty fucking fantastic school. Obviously you're not a moron so stop acting like it and stop setting back the feminist movement. Thanks. Bye". *Thwap* (That was the sound of the dick smacking her cheek. )
So all I wanted to do last night was go out with my girlfriends, have stupid men who think buying a chick drinks is a surefire way into her pants order me up some tasty beverages and relax. But no, that wouldn't be a proper ending to the week that wouldn't end. Nope, Walsh decided to make a surprise appearance at MY bar with his brother and a few friends. Of course he tried playing it coy for about an hour. Notice I said TRIED. Yeah, he wasn't so covert while he was practically staring a hole into the back of my head. He even pulled the junior high classic move, staring at a chick and when she turns around and actually SEES you looking at her you quickly turn away and pretend like you weren't. It's a classic.
So I've established he's a stalker.
Tonight Kiki, Claire and I have decided to invite ourselves to our friend Seth's bachelor party. We've talked about it for weeks and I'm pretty sure he thinks we're joking. We're not. We're going.
Work blew. I can't say much more than that because no words in the English dictionary properly describe how much it fucking sucked. I have come to the conclusion that I hate every single fucktard I work with and I am the only non-idiot there. For a bunch of smart people they sure are stupid.
Class this week wasn't much better. Again, I was (and always am) surrounded by morons. But apparently you can be a complete and total retard and as long as you kiss major ass you'll be a fucking wonderkid. To add to the fuckfest a new girl just tranfered into the program from a school in California (yes for all of you stalkers keeping track on your "Where does Steph live" maps at home that means I don't like in California. 1 State down, 48 more to weed through). If California was personified and was up walking around, taking class notes and sucking dick it would be this chick. The very look of her annoys the ever loving shit out of me. And she has ever bookworm douche bag boy in this program walking around with a permaboner. She acts ditzy too, which I can't stand. She's one of those girls that plays the role of the helpless little girl because she thinks that's what men like. I wan't to smack her with someone's penis and say "Bitch, you're in the medical program of a pretty fucking fantastic school. Obviously you're not a moron so stop acting like it and stop setting back the feminist movement. Thanks. Bye". *Thwap* (That was the sound of the dick smacking her cheek. )
So all I wanted to do last night was go out with my girlfriends, have stupid men who think buying a chick drinks is a surefire way into her pants order me up some tasty beverages and relax. But no, that wouldn't be a proper ending to the week that wouldn't end. Nope, Walsh decided to make a surprise appearance at MY bar with his brother and a few friends. Of course he tried playing it coy for about an hour. Notice I said TRIED. Yeah, he wasn't so covert while he was practically staring a hole into the back of my head. He even pulled the junior high classic move, staring at a chick and when she turns around and actually SEES you looking at her you quickly turn away and pretend like you weren't. It's a classic.
So I've established he's a stalker.
Tonight Kiki, Claire and I have decided to invite ourselves to our friend Seth's bachelor party. We've talked about it for weeks and I'm pretty sure he thinks we're joking. We're not. We're going.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Nothing much has changed in the few months since I had seen my family.
My mother is still wanting me to marry the first man who'll have me. She's still reminding me my birthday is only a few months away and that I'm not getting any younger. She's also reminding me (the med student) that I only have a limited number of eggs and every month another one bites the dust...a baby that could have been.
My dad still has wicked IBS and is still making hourly trips to the bathroom where he camps out for a good 20 minutes "reading" the Maxim mags he's hidden from my mother.
My brother is still married to a heinous, dirty bitch who still complains about how her family does everything "different" (aka BETTER).
My OTHER is still half the woman I am. Muahahahahahaha.
4 1/2 days is too long to be with my family, all under one roof with food cooking. It's too much.
A weekend recap:
* My mom was supposed to pick me up from the airport but forgot. So she made me wait in the airport for another 3 hours until my brother's plain got in.
* She made porkchops, a food I absolutely abhor, so I was forced to eat a Hot Pocket that I'm pretty sure has been sitting in the very back of their fridge for no less than 5 years.
* When I got the shits from said expired Pocket she made me vomit from the ass in the basement bathroom (which isn't completely finished yet) because she didn't want me "stinking up the entire house with your bowel movements".
* My mom woke me up at 5:00am Thursday morning to run to the grocery store and go on a hunt for some freak ass brand of bread that apparently is so rare even Jesus himself couldn't find it.
* My OTHER dropped the stuffing and blamed it on me. I then was reminded how irresponsible I am. Apparently 90 cent Stove Top Stuffing is the muthafuckin holy grail and can't be trusted to the likes of me.
* The turkey was dry and when no one was stuffing themselves with it my mom cried in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes before reminding all of us that she gave birth to us and we should be more grateful for all of her sacrafices.
* My dad clogged the toilet because I'm pretty sure he shit out a whole turkey. His ass gave birth to it. So we had to call a plumber who couldn't come until Friday morning and then had to charge out the ass (pun intended).
* The women of the household went shopping, braving the crowds of angry housewives and old ladies. My mother literally grabbed a toy out of a child's hands and then ran away before anyone could beat her thieving ass.
* Patrick called Kiki Friday night to find out if I was in town because he and his brothers were going to go to my favorite bar and he didn't want to risk a run in.
* Walsh called me 5 times and sent me 3 text messages and an email wanting to know if we could hang out while he was in town for the weekend.
* He then sent me a nasty email telling me I'm being immature for ignoring him.
My mother is still wanting me to marry the first man who'll have me. She's still reminding me my birthday is only a few months away and that I'm not getting any younger. She's also reminding me (the med student) that I only have a limited number of eggs and every month another one bites the dust...a baby that could have been.
My dad still has wicked IBS and is still making hourly trips to the bathroom where he camps out for a good 20 minutes "reading" the Maxim mags he's hidden from my mother.
My brother is still married to a heinous, dirty bitch who still complains about how her family does everything "different" (aka BETTER).
My OTHER is still half the woman I am. Muahahahahahaha.
4 1/2 days is too long to be with my family, all under one roof with food cooking. It's too much.
A weekend recap:
* My mom was supposed to pick me up from the airport but forgot. So she made me wait in the airport for another 3 hours until my brother's plain got in.
* She made porkchops, a food I absolutely abhor, so I was forced to eat a Hot Pocket that I'm pretty sure has been sitting in the very back of their fridge for no less than 5 years.
* When I got the shits from said expired Pocket she made me vomit from the ass in the basement bathroom (which isn't completely finished yet) because she didn't want me "stinking up the entire house with your bowel movements".
* My mom woke me up at 5:00am Thursday morning to run to the grocery store and go on a hunt for some freak ass brand of bread that apparently is so rare even Jesus himself couldn't find it.
* My OTHER dropped the stuffing and blamed it on me. I then was reminded how irresponsible I am. Apparently 90 cent Stove Top Stuffing is the muthafuckin holy grail and can't be trusted to the likes of me.
* The turkey was dry and when no one was stuffing themselves with it my mom cried in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes before reminding all of us that she gave birth to us and we should be more grateful for all of her sacrafices.
* My dad clogged the toilet because I'm pretty sure he shit out a whole turkey. His ass gave birth to it. So we had to call a plumber who couldn't come until Friday morning and then had to charge out the ass (pun intended).
* The women of the household went shopping, braving the crowds of angry housewives and old ladies. My mother literally grabbed a toy out of a child's hands and then ran away before anyone could beat her thieving ass.
* Patrick called Kiki Friday night to find out if I was in town because he and his brothers were going to go to my favorite bar and he didn't want to risk a run in.
* Walsh called me 5 times and sent me 3 text messages and an email wanting to know if we could hang out while he was in town for the weekend.
* He then sent me a nasty email telling me I'm being immature for ignoring him.
Monday, November 20, 2006
I have been called a slut at least 5.7 million times just in the last, oh, 8 years or so. When I was younger, really until I got into my 20's, it really hurt my feelings. I've always had a ball busting attitude but when someone called me a slut or a whore I would honestly feel bad about myself. I'd wonder if maybe I was too flirty. If I'd kissed too many boys. At one point I even went on a kick where I was bound and determined to find out what was the "normal" amount of sexual activity for a girl my age to be having. Of course it was then that I discovered that as a whole our country is one big slutbag and what might be "normal" is still a rather hefty number.
The funny thing is, back then I was a good girl. Now granted, I had sex but mostly i was a make out bandit. The year following my first kiss I made out with 23 different guys that I can actually remember. I loved to kiss. That was my thing and it still kind of is. Is there anything better than a great kiss?
By the time I was settled into college I stopped worrying about the labels people would put on me for being outgoing and liking men. I started to be more honest with myself and as a result I ended up having a lot more fun in ALL aspects of my life, not just my sex life.
It's funny how many guys will call you a tramp when you dump them. The very ting they liked most about you is the very thing they throw back in your face when it's all over. You have no idea how many walking penises have called me a slut after I told them they wouldn't be getting inside my pink coochie walls anymore.
So what's the difference between a slut and a woman who is just sexually open?
I guess it's like anything else. Everyone has their own version of the definition. To me, a slut is someone who goes around and has sex with anyone who's willing to slip her the hot beef injection. A slut has sex for attention and for love. She does it because that's the only way she knows how to feel desired and good about herself. She has no standards and most of the time doesn't get a great deal of joy out of the situation. It's more a mental thing than a sexual thing. See, I can be Dr. Phil.
To me there's a vast difference between those who have sex to fix their broken innereds and those of us who really enjoy sex ALOT and want to have it as often as possible. There are standards, there are rules, there are understandings and we know how to tell the difference between pure lust and something more. We can have sex without it having to be some poetic thing. Sex sometimes can just be sex and it can be great and it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.
On that note I didn't have any sex this weekend. Everyone was thinking I was going to go out and straddle the first face that smiled at me, but I didn't. Mostly because I was tired this weekend and because during what little time I did spend out on the town I didn't meet any guy that was worthy of what my vag has to offer.
It's almost Thanksgiving and I have to make the sad little trek to my parent's house. I leave Wednesday night and won't return until Sunday morning. Can you feel the excitement through the screen? Can you?
The funny thing is, back then I was a good girl. Now granted, I had sex but mostly i was a make out bandit. The year following my first kiss I made out with 23 different guys that I can actually remember. I loved to kiss. That was my thing and it still kind of is. Is there anything better than a great kiss?
By the time I was settled into college I stopped worrying about the labels people would put on me for being outgoing and liking men. I started to be more honest with myself and as a result I ended up having a lot more fun in ALL aspects of my life, not just my sex life.
It's funny how many guys will call you a tramp when you dump them. The very ting they liked most about you is the very thing they throw back in your face when it's all over. You have no idea how many walking penises have called me a slut after I told them they wouldn't be getting inside my pink coochie walls anymore.
So what's the difference between a slut and a woman who is just sexually open?
I guess it's like anything else. Everyone has their own version of the definition. To me, a slut is someone who goes around and has sex with anyone who's willing to slip her the hot beef injection. A slut has sex for attention and for love. She does it because that's the only way she knows how to feel desired and good about herself. She has no standards and most of the time doesn't get a great deal of joy out of the situation. It's more a mental thing than a sexual thing. See, I can be Dr. Phil.
To me there's a vast difference between those who have sex to fix their broken innereds and those of us who really enjoy sex ALOT and want to have it as often as possible. There are standards, there are rules, there are understandings and we know how to tell the difference between pure lust and something more. We can have sex without it having to be some poetic thing. Sex sometimes can just be sex and it can be great and it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.
On that note I didn't have any sex this weekend. Everyone was thinking I was going to go out and straddle the first face that smiled at me, but I didn't. Mostly because I was tired this weekend and because during what little time I did spend out on the town I didn't meet any guy that was worthy of what my vag has to offer.
It's almost Thanksgiving and I have to make the sad little trek to my parent's house. I leave Wednesday night and won't return until Sunday morning. Can you feel the excitement through the screen? Can you?
Friday, November 17, 2006
Like the 90210 Walsh's, this one has been cancelled
I liked the arrangement I had with Walsh. It was about as close to relationship perfection as I can personally get right now. He's attractive, funny, good in bed, has great taste in music and obviously great taste in women. He wasn't too romantic and gooey, but he also had moments where he could make me feel like a big faggy mushy centered girl. He lives 2 hours away so I only had to see him on the weekend which meant there was only enough time for eating, fucking and generally having a good time. No room for bullshit. We didn't have enough time together to find things we hate about eachother. 2 days out of the week I had someone that would fuck the ever loving shit out of me and make me see God and then he'd go home and I could go about my life not worrying about him.
But all good things must come to an end and nothing is ever as perfect as we want it to be. Or rather, usually one person's idea of perfection doesn't exactly fit someone else's.
Apparently Walsh thought it would be a good idea to call me last night, just about 24 hours before he's supposed to be sticking his dick in my mouth and pulling my hair, to discuss "where we are". Of course me being the constant smart ass I had to say something along the lines of "Well, I'm at home...where do you THINK you are? Have the aliens come back?" Usually my endless wit would make him laugh but not last night. No last night he was in full on serious mode, a side of most people that makes me want to kick puppies.
He asked if we were just dating, fucking, just friends who fucked, a full fledged couple. I told him I hadn't thought about it because I don't think about those things.
Then he asked if we could, should or were seeing other people. I told him I wasn't, that I didn't know what "should" was supposed to mean, and that I didn't really care if he wanted to go out and date other chicks...as long as he wrapped that bad boy up. He trapped me. He pulled one of those tried and true girl moves where they ask you a question and they say they want honesty but really they already have their version of the right answer in their head. And if you don't give it to them they freak out.
He didn't really freak out psycho girlie style but he did ger upset.
"Maybe this whole long distance thing isn't going to work."
"Why? It's working fine for me" - yes, I'm insensitive...whatever...
"I guess I didn't think it through when we started. Or maybe I didn't think it would get this far."
"You mean last this long? Because honestly we're in no different 'relationship' (insert the actual gagging sound I made here) position than we were when we first decided to do this."
"That's the problem."
***Silence***
"Sooooo....you're not coming out here this weekend?"
"Probably not."
"Ok, well...I don't know what else to say here. I want you to come out here but if you're looking for a girlfriend I'm not going to make you very happy. Honestly all I want is what we've been doing the past few weeks. If that's not cool with you then we're done here.".
***Silence***
"Are you pouting?" ***silence*** "Ok, bye."
And then I hung up. Yeah, I was kind of an asshole But come on! Is it such a bad thing to want a no-strings attached "relationship" with someone I enjoy being around small amounts of time? I didn't have to worry about running into Walsh at a bar or at the store when I didn't want to see him. I didn't have to worry about him calling me and wanting to hang out on a night when I just wanted to veg the fuck out. We had the ideal situation and he had to ruin it by getting all emo on my ass.
What has happened to men? Give me a caveman from the Geicco commercials. Those assholes know how to treat a lady!
On a completely seperate note I'm trying to get my blogroll in order. So if you'd like to be linked on my profile, leave a comment and let me know. If I barely know you or glance at your blog and decide you're boring I'm not going to add you. Yeah that's just the honest truth. But you can try to win my affection over anyway.
But all good things must come to an end and nothing is ever as perfect as we want it to be. Or rather, usually one person's idea of perfection doesn't exactly fit someone else's.
Apparently Walsh thought it would be a good idea to call me last night, just about 24 hours before he's supposed to be sticking his dick in my mouth and pulling my hair, to discuss "where we are". Of course me being the constant smart ass I had to say something along the lines of "Well, I'm at home...where do you THINK you are? Have the aliens come back?" Usually my endless wit would make him laugh but not last night. No last night he was in full on serious mode, a side of most people that makes me want to kick puppies.
He asked if we were just dating, fucking, just friends who fucked, a full fledged couple. I told him I hadn't thought about it because I don't think about those things.
Then he asked if we could, should or were seeing other people. I told him I wasn't, that I didn't know what "should" was supposed to mean, and that I didn't really care if he wanted to go out and date other chicks...as long as he wrapped that bad boy up. He trapped me. He pulled one of those tried and true girl moves where they ask you a question and they say they want honesty but really they already have their version of the right answer in their head. And if you don't give it to them they freak out.
He didn't really freak out psycho girlie style but he did ger upset.
"Maybe this whole long distance thing isn't going to work."
"Why? It's working fine for me" - yes, I'm insensitive...whatever...
"I guess I didn't think it through when we started. Or maybe I didn't think it would get this far."
"You mean last this long? Because honestly we're in no different 'relationship' (insert the actual gagging sound I made here) position than we were when we first decided to do this."
"That's the problem."
***Silence***
"Sooooo....you're not coming out here this weekend?"
"Probably not."
"Ok, well...I don't know what else to say here. I want you to come out here but if you're looking for a girlfriend I'm not going to make you very happy. Honestly all I want is what we've been doing the past few weeks. If that's not cool with you then we're done here.".
***Silence***
"Are you pouting?" ***silence*** "Ok, bye."
And then I hung up. Yeah, I was kind of an asshole But come on! Is it such a bad thing to want a no-strings attached "relationship" with someone I enjoy being around small amounts of time? I didn't have to worry about running into Walsh at a bar or at the store when I didn't want to see him. I didn't have to worry about him calling me and wanting to hang out on a night when I just wanted to veg the fuck out. We had the ideal situation and he had to ruin it by getting all emo on my ass.
What has happened to men? Give me a caveman from the Geicco commercials. Those assholes know how to treat a lady!
On a completely seperate note I'm trying to get my blogroll in order. So if you'd like to be linked on my profile, leave a comment and let me know. If I barely know you or glance at your blog and decide you're boring I'm not going to add you. Yeah that's just the honest truth. But you can try to win my affection over anyway.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Hump Day
For any new stalkers out there who might not be familiar with the way The Steph does shit around here I will explain. I'm a giver. I'm right up there with Mother Theresa. Except I don't care about the poor, blond or less fortunate. I just care about the people who are in awe of my greatness. And I want to keep those people happy. Sadly I can't go giving out reach arounds across the internet and I can't lick carpet from thousands of miles away.
Instead I try to get everyone involved by doing a few "theme" days during the week. On my old blogger account it was Funny Caption Fridays. I think I might bring those back at some point once I get back into blogging on a regular basis again. For now I do Hump Days where I bring up a topic and everyone tells a funny story or let's us into the naughty part of their brains.
With that said...Happy Hump Day!
Today's question for the huddled masses yearning....
What's one thing that turns you on or you find attractive that other people might think is a little weird?
OR, if you don't have one for that and are completely normal....
What one thing turns you on more than anything else?
On another note...my mud butt has subsided. The pork made a rough and dirty exit but now it's finally gone for good. No more vomitting out of my asshole.
Can someone please tell the 2 season ago Nicole Richie wannabes that UGGS are out? Seriously I'm tired of seeing 12 year olds who haven't even gotten their boobies yet walking around in 30 degree whether with mini skirts and those fucking UGGS boots. It's cold and you don't have any pubic hair to keep you warm. Wear a sweater and some pants bitch.
Instead I try to get everyone involved by doing a few "theme" days during the week. On my old blogger account it was Funny Caption Fridays. I think I might bring those back at some point once I get back into blogging on a regular basis again. For now I do Hump Days where I bring up a topic and everyone tells a funny story or let's us into the naughty part of their brains.
With that said...Happy Hump Day!
Today's question for the huddled masses yearning....
What's one thing that turns you on or you find attractive that other people might think is a little weird?
OR, if you don't have one for that and are completely normal....
What one thing turns you on more than anything else?
On another note...my mud butt has subsided. The pork made a rough and dirty exit but now it's finally gone for good. No more vomitting out of my asshole.
Can someone please tell the 2 season ago Nicole Richie wannabes that UGGS are out? Seriously I'm tired of seeing 12 year olds who haven't even gotten their boobies yet walking around in 30 degree whether with mini skirts and those fucking UGGS boots. It's cold and you don't have any pubic hair to keep you warm. Wear a sweater and some pants bitch.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Shittacular
Walsh came to see me this weekend, though he had to forego his usual Friday- Sunday afternoon stay. We had to settle on Saturday afternoon- Sunday morning instead. I thought it would be a good idea to try out a new BBQ restaurant a few blocks away from my house. Saturday night. Really we just needed some kind of cushion for all the drinking we planned on doing. (it was $2.50 shot night at a bar I frequent....And I got paid on Friday. Ohhhhhh yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhh).
The BBQ pork sandwich was an enormous mistake that I am still regretting.
I don't know if I got food poisoning so just a major case of the BBQ shits but it was ugly. I started feeling kind of sick towards the end of the meal but decided to push through and figured getting something else in my tummy (i.e. mass quantities of alcohol) would make me feel better....or at the very least would numb me right up.
Nope. Apparently shots of vodka and bad pork don't go together. Who knew?
I had to take a splatter shit in a public bathroom. A bar bathroom no less. And this bitch was a 6 wiper and a 3 flusher. It was hardcore. It looked like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in that toilet.
Needless to say I needed to go home. I knew it was just the beginning of what was going to be a long and anally painful night. And because I'm an asshole I don't let Walsh stay over at my place intentionally because that's too "relationship"-esque for me so I sent his ass packing. He drove 2+ hours to see and have sex with me and all he got was some bad BBQ, a few drinks and the displeasure of having to listen to my trumpet ass on the car ride home.
The BBQ pork sandwich was an enormous mistake that I am still regretting.
I don't know if I got food poisoning so just a major case of the BBQ shits but it was ugly. I started feeling kind of sick towards the end of the meal but decided to push through and figured getting something else in my tummy (i.e. mass quantities of alcohol) would make me feel better....or at the very least would numb me right up.
Nope. Apparently shots of vodka and bad pork don't go together. Who knew?
I had to take a splatter shit in a public bathroom. A bar bathroom no less. And this bitch was a 6 wiper and a 3 flusher. It was hardcore. It looked like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in that toilet.
Needless to say I needed to go home. I knew it was just the beginning of what was going to be a long and anally painful night. And because I'm an asshole I don't let Walsh stay over at my place intentionally because that's too "relationship"-esque for me so I sent his ass packing. He drove 2+ hours to see and have sex with me and all he got was some bad BBQ, a few drinks and the displeasure of having to listen to my trumpet ass on the car ride home.
Friday, November 10, 2006
A MYSPACE REPOST
Some sexual pet peeves
- Shouting out names in the middle of sex. I've always found only creepy people repeat your name alot when they're talking to you. For example "Stephanie, how are you doing today? Would you mind handing me that piece of paper. Stephanie." These bottom feeding cave dwellers are usually close talkers and sometimes they smell like cheese and B.O. So when some guy starts saying my name in the middle of sex it sounds awkward and reminds me of every geeky IT tech I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with. Stick with the tried and true "oh baby's" and "that feels good".
- Socks and sex don't go hand in hand. You look like a fucking retard when you leave your socks on. The male body is about as ugly as a thing can get anyway. It's lumpy and hairy and even the most sculpted abs still look strange when they're just inches above a penis posing as a sun dial. So add gandpa white tube socks to the mix and there's all kinds of wrong and ugly going on.
- Trying out a new move during a one night stand. I'm all about new positions and switching things up. In case you couldn't figure it out I'm not a one position kind of gal. But when you're having a one night stand or when the relationship is purely sexual that's not the time to be trying out some new shit you haven't attempted before. That kind of thing takes a little coordination and practice, especially if it's a kinky and involved position with legs all over the place. That kind of thing is better suited for a relationship where you can practice and fuck things up royally without messing up the mood too much. If you're lucky enough to get some hot chick to go home with you, you need to come with your A game. Getting too ambitious will only leave you with blue balls and a bad rep.
- Men who watch too much porn. I love porn. I have a hefty collection that would make most teenage boys cry with glee. But I know too many men who watch porn all the time and they take that shit too seriously. They expect "real sex" to be like porn sex. Nope. Not gonna happen. Porn is like professional wrestling. It's all make up, lighting, fake storylines and a lot of acting. Most women aren't going to be that enthusiastic. Not everything you do is going to make her explode in screams fit for National Geographic. Sorry, you're not an orgasmic god. If we can't expect your penis to be 10 inches and look like a subway sandwich you can expect us to perform like a porn star.
- Women who fake it. Why? What purpose does it serve? You're only cheating yourself and the guy you're with. He'll think you're satisfied so he'll keep doing the same tired crap that obviously isn't getting the job down and you'll continue to lay there and let him fuck you with no reward at the end. I've faked it a few times, mostly so I didn't bruise an already fragile ego. And every time I was in a relationship and the guy I was with had gotten me to orgasm before. Every once in awhile is fine. But if every time you have sex with your partner and he's not making you climax and you pretend he is you're only teaching him to be a bad lay. And no one wants that.
Ahhh....it feels good to be back. Back to the place where I lost my blog virginity. It was messy, even a little bloody and it hurt a little, but once I got started it felt so good I didn't ever want to stop.
So here we are again. Here's a little recap for anyone who missed out on the myspace blogs that took over my life for the last 6 months or so.
* I'm tooling away in med school. Yes, Steph was able to dupe people into believing she was smart enough to enroll in the medical program at a major university. Don't worry, I don't plan on being a proctologist or anything. Your assholes are safe...at least from my fingers and the prying eyes of tiny camera up in there.
* I'm still working at the lab, though because of my busy schedule with school I rarely have to interact with the jackoffs that like to refer to themselves as my coworkers. I pretty much get to stay in my little section of the lab, do my thing and go home. This makes me very happy because there are only so many smart Asian men I can deal with in one day before I start to lose my shit.
* Patrick got married. For those of you that don't know the Patrick story I'm not going to explain it to you. All you need to know is he was an ex of mine. Anyway, he's officially someone's husband. However before he tied the knot with the world's most annoyingly nice woman he and I had sex. Literally about 30 minutes before he walked down the aisle. And....I don't even care about it.
* I'm somewhat, sort of, in some small way dating a guy by the name of Walsh. He lives about 2 hours away and we only see eachother on the weekends. This just might be the perfect relationship for a committment phobic bitch such as myself.
So that about sums up my life right now. I'll probably so some reposts from my myspace blog.
It's the weekend bitches! Go get crazy!
So here we are again. Here's a little recap for anyone who missed out on the myspace blogs that took over my life for the last 6 months or so.
* I'm tooling away in med school. Yes, Steph was able to dupe people into believing she was smart enough to enroll in the medical program at a major university. Don't worry, I don't plan on being a proctologist or anything. Your assholes are safe...at least from my fingers and the prying eyes of tiny camera up in there.
* I'm still working at the lab, though because of my busy schedule with school I rarely have to interact with the jackoffs that like to refer to themselves as my coworkers. I pretty much get to stay in my little section of the lab, do my thing and go home. This makes me very happy because there are only so many smart Asian men I can deal with in one day before I start to lose my shit.
* Patrick got married. For those of you that don't know the Patrick story I'm not going to explain it to you. All you need to know is he was an ex of mine. Anyway, he's officially someone's husband. However before he tied the knot with the world's most annoyingly nice woman he and I had sex. Literally about 30 minutes before he walked down the aisle. And....I don't even care about it.
* I'm somewhat, sort of, in some small way dating a guy by the name of Walsh. He lives about 2 hours away and we only see eachother on the weekends. This just might be the perfect relationship for a committment phobic bitch such as myself.
So that about sums up my life right now. I'll probably so some reposts from my myspace blog.
It's the weekend bitches! Go get crazy!
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